Narrative Essay




Daydream - Draft

“And so, my thoughts start to drift, as they often do. A glint of gold catches my mind's eye. It's gaze follows the trail. Ichor. Splattered against the floor and trailing down a towering figure. It almost glows in the darkness, lit from synthetic blue light of dazzling wings. The wings stretched splayed outward at their full span, making the already looming figure seem monumental in stature. Glowing, those near angelic features appeared almost transparent. There was no certainty whether touching them would have you phase through like a hologram or if they were plush and soft as down. Feathers lay scattered across the floor, almost ghostly in nature. The winged being is adorned in armor of white and gold, making it hard to tell what on the armor is trim, and what is blood.
The room feels like it should be silent. Chilled air bringing a stillness to it. A cathedral hall. Something divine.
It isn't.
Instead, a whirring noise fills it. The mechanical blades of a fan. Sharp snaps of mechanisms clicking into place and shifting. The dark hall feels alive with electricity. A static undertone which while just as sterile was piercingly contrary to its nature. The clicking grew louder, yet the figure did not move. It’s broad form only hovered there, dripping with the slick ichor that painted it.
Was the clicking its own? What else could it be? The sounds droned on. Their sharp beats begin to layer over themselves as it plays in multitudes. As if from multiple points in space all at once. Irregular and out of place.”

This was my first ever draft of my narrative essay.
At the time, it wasn't even my narrative essay! In fact: This was just a journal entry for a daydream prompt. I'd talk more about it, but I'm saving the rambling for my context paragraph :)

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Daydream - Final Revision

“It was a glint of gold in my mind’s eye that cut through the dullness. Its gaze followed the trail. Ichor. A golden and slick blood like substance. The metallic liquid was painted in splatters against the floor and dripped down a looming figure which seemed to glow in a sharp blue-white light that flooded the room and blinded the eyes. The synthetic gleam shone out from dazzling wings. They stretched out bold from their owner, making the towering figure monumental in stature. Golden blood seeped out from in between the ice blue feathers, similar plumage littered the floor. The angelic features of the figure seemed almost holographic in nature. If you reached your hand out to touch them, you might just phase through. It stood adorned in white armor with ornate golden trim. To tell where the trim ended, and the slick ichor began would be a Sisyphean task as more bled from cracks in the plating.
It felt like the room should be silent. Chilled air bringing a stillness to it. A cathedral hall. Something divine.
It wasn’t.
Instead, it was filled with a mechanical whirring. The sound of fan blades and the hum of electricity. Gentle snaps of gears turning and clicking into place echoed throughout the dark hall. A static charged sense of life was a shock against the sterile nature of the building it filled. The echo of a hall meant for choirs and hymns made the source of the sounds difficult to find. Unless… Oh.
The figure that stood at the center of it all had yet to move, outwardly at least. A careful ear could pick out that the sounds came from inside of it. An even more careful eye could glimpse between the armored plating wires and tubing. That is if you could see past the florescent glint of the figure in the first place."

This is the final version of that very same paragraph! Expanded upon and reworked into a narrative about a young student facing their inner turmoil upon recieving a chronic diagnosis. I'm certainly much more proud of this piece than I am the start.

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The Context



1. In all honesty, the original topic was chosen on a whim. Picked out because I really liked the game ULTRAKILL. I just wanted to write about something that I thought was cool. As I developed the narrative around this daydream though, I got invested in the symbolism of machines, angels, and illnesses. The fact that machines and angels exist to serve their purpose and not deviate or fail stood out to me. People can see their health in a similar way, not expected to fail until old age. So what happens when it does?

2. One simple reason: The first paragraph is the oldest draft of this story I had! That's pretty much it. I just wanted to see how far I could stretch the timeline to see the most dramatic change!

3. Both were probably written in class while ignoring whatever lecture was happening to be honest. Class time is work time to me, and I can't work and listen, so I don't!



Journal 8

This part is just straight copy and pasted. So it may be missing some context as it's based around the entire essay.



1. I tried to add more details of the characters life outside of their illness. Details of the fact they enjoy illustration. I also added in details to the daydreams to try and make their symbolism more blatant. Outside of those I had the character reflect on the daydreams more instead of them just happening.

2. I wanted the impact of the character to be heavier. To put emphasis on what they feel like they have lost and use that to highlight their recovery. I added in details of their reactions to things to show how bitter the situation had made them. I wanted the daydreams to be more clearly connected as a reflection of the battle between feeling like you are made to do something and failing that, being not fully seen as a person, the turmoil between those feelings of doubt and expectation and wanting to try your best but feeling incredibly helpless or honor bound to suffering in silence. I wanted to show how these daydreams hit at the realizations the character was trying to avoid. How the character didn't want to face their feelings yet it was carving them up internally.

3. One of the biggest challenges was that I wanted to just keep adding and adding to it. I don't want a deadline I want to continue exploring this story and developing the character more. I want to refine and define them so much more clearly than I have time for. I want to add so much more detail and narrative.

4. Trying to make the transisions between daydreams and reality more clear was hard for me. Especially because part of the theme is health issues that can cause massive fatigue and dissociation. I wanted the line between dreams and reality to be a bit fuzzy at first because that is how life for the character felt for a long time.

5. I think that the impact of it is better now as the connections between the daydream and reality is clearer and the emotions and experience of the character are clearer.

6. I wanted each section to have its own feel. The beginning is meant to be more hazy with something blatantly wrong but just before things have actually collapsed. The middle is supposed to feel more intense and chaotic and bitter. It's supposed to feel angry yet helpless. Like everything is too much and all too confusing. Then it transitions into the ending. It's supposed to feel like struggle for a bit. Things are supposed to feel like they're passing by both fast and slow to resemble how the character feels as they're navigating time. How sometimes it feels like you've been struggling for years and yet at the same time it feels like just yesterday you had started this fight. The very ending is supposed to be hopeful and warm, while a bit wild. It isn't supposed to be easy but it's supposed to be determined.

7. I've learned I forget the small details sometimes because the world is so clear in my head. That once I run through it I can just build and build and build on it.

8. I played with the sense of time quite a bit. I wanted it to feel both incredibly slow with each second highlighted by the pounding of a headache yet also oddly fast in the way that no matter how slow and suffocating the suffering moments were they feel like they passed my in a moment once you're out of them.