Before Revision
"The overlap between the nature of being social and representations of queer identities is a topic which has been spoken to death, yet never explored to completion. Nearly all focus has been put on either the psychology of the matter or the serious media representations. Only handfuls of writings explore the communities themselves and near zero acknowledge the importance of play and normalcy. Palata is a great example of these topics due to his social efforts and openness about his identity. He actively embraces the queer side of his community and pokes fun at his own creation with them (Palata, Youtube). It’s with this playful insignificance and sociability that Arsi Palata is normalizing queer identities and making online spaces less hostile, one joke at a time."
Post Revision
"The overlap between the nature of being social and representations of queer identities is a topic which has been spoken to death, yet never explored to completion. Nearly all focus has been put on either the psychology of the matter or the serious media representations. Only handfuls of writings explore the communities themselves and near zero acknowledge the importance of play and normalcy. Palata is a great example of these topics due to his social efforts and openness about his identity. He actively embraces the queer side of his community and pokes fun at his own creation with them (Palata, Youtube). It is exactly cases like this which go under analyzed in their importance. Not due to their non-existence, but instead due to an overbearing focus on wanting something big or impactful. Change is primarily visible in two ways, one being dramatic and sharp differences, the other being reflected over time. The change that is reflected over time often goes understated. There is no sudden aha moment. No sudden “this percentage of individuals proceeded to be more accepting” that can be directly drawn. It is a comparison of numbers and a drawn conclusion. It is the fact that no, one game or person alone doesn’t always change everything, but without that one person it wouldn’t change at all for if you can imply without one you can imply without the many. It is the hitting of a hammer on a chisel. The 3rd nor 300th try may not break the boulder, but the strike that does did not do it alone. Instead, it is the cumulative effort of them all. Written in Sustainability Methods and Perspectives it states” While one person may only make a marginal difference, their action can influence others. With influence comes an increasing number of individuals engaging in sustainable actions and interacting with the socio-ecological scale at a higher level” (Sustainability Methods & Perspectives). It’s a shame that not nearly enough recognition is given to cases like this. Smaller occasions of individuals pushing to forward a larger effort. It is the martyr’s and big names who are most acknowledged, not to say they don’t deserve it, but not enough effort is put into preserving the names of others. Well documented and explained by youtuber Hbomberguy in his video Plagiarism and You(tube) there is such an epidemic of queer creators being undervalued that they are actively being erased from history. It is for that reason that it is important to hold dear each individual’s impact."
Context Time!!
The context requested for this mess of an essay boils down to: why did I choose this, why I chose this paragraph to show off, and how I wrote it.
To start simple: I chose these topics because I hate impact essays and writing about things I don't care about. I care about ULTRAKILL as a game so it was easier to write.
I chose this paragraph because it's the most altered. The original was the closing paragraph, but in the revision there was so much that I wanted to add that it became it's own paragraph.
And how did I write this? By slamming my head against a brick wall. Jokes aside, I wrote it in class or listening to music it. My writing process is just "go" for these things.
Journal 9!
Identifying Changes: What specific changes did you make to your essay based on the feedback? Please list them.
The major change I can remember making is elaborating on my stance of why it is important to acknowledge creators like Hakita and over explaining why even without major sources displaying numbers, you can't deny the impact that was made based on what we do know.
Reasoning Behind Changes: For each change you made, explain why you decided it was necessary. What was your thought process?
I was so rage filled at having to rely on a source making my point for me that I simply didn't. If I was allowed to collect testimonies from the community I would've. Essays like these are usually boring reguritation of numbers and facts from already written articles.
Challenges in Revising: What challenges did you encounter while revising your essay? How did you overcome these challenges?
My Most Major Challenge Was: The stupid amount of rage and motivation I felt versus my poor health and dwindling time. I wanted to prove something, but I settled for expanding my arguement and never looking at it again!
Feedback Interpretation: How did you interpret the feedback provided? Were there any parts of the feedback that were particularly challenging to understand or implement?
I interpreted it in the manner of, "I'm aware, If I had the time or resources I would be doing much better". Being unable to collect my own data and being expected to use sources from the past 5 years for "relevance" when there are points I need to make with studies that aren't new or specific to my individual was irritating.
Impact of Changes on Essay: How do you think your revisions have improved the overall narrative and flow of your essay?
To be honest the revision was mostly me rambling about my thoughts. I think it better explains my point of view to an audience I may not be familiar with. It feels like dumbing it down.
Reflection on Researched Details: Reflect on how you enhanced the researched details in your essay. Why did you choose the specific details you added? Or didn't add?
I was scrapped for research so I made do with what I could. I found more solid numbers and outside references.
Analytical Writing Techniques: Many submitted essays lacked in-depth analysis of how traits connected to the impact and how the research supported and connected them all together. Discuss how you applied or refined analytical writing techniques in your revised essay. How do you believe these changes will affect the reader's experience?
All I Care About Is In Depth Analysis. I refined my essay to better elaborate on my thought process of how these traits give an impact. The limitations and me being out of my element skewed my view and made me forget how to write a half decent explaination for a while. I was fighting the formal tone half the time and the other half the time I was fighting my inner expectations of how an essay is supposed to be written which was limiting my ability.
Learning from the Process: What have you learned about your writing style and process through this revision exercise?
I would rather eat a rock than write an essay on a boring topic or write an essay with limitations severely hindering my ability to explain what I mean. I don't always think or process things in a normal sense and trying to function in my own percieved expectations of normal is hell. I am going to get more passionate and less rule following because it means I can write better.